just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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