so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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