it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
