Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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