i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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