Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
