Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I lost the right to judge tonight
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
