there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
