I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
