how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
