i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
