the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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