I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
