so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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