I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
