my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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