All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
