And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
