you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
