super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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