Her vagina should come with caution tape.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
