I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
