but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
