If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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