I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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