Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
