tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
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