Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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