In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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