you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
We had sex on a dog bed..
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
