it's like iHOP with fire
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
