the condom got lost in my hair
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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