New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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