so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
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