Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Idk if I want to put a bra on
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
