People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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