I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
