Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize