you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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