margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
