you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
