It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
I can feel your judgement through the phone
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
