His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
