"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
