awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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