grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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