What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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