Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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