We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
