Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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