everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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