Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
