My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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