hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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