i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
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