Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
