Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
