I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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