Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
meet me or not, i'm out of control
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
