Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Swine flu. Run for my life!
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
