Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
