My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Randomize
