Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
