Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
