My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize