How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
