That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
