please come you make the beer taste better
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
