what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
