i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
