So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
