i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize