Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
